Drug Testing

Here are instructions for how to pass a drug test.

My sister's cat, Sambuko.

Drug testing is by and large absurd. If someone is, for instance, operating heavy machinery while high, they ought to be fired. It's dangerous. But if they smoked a bowl last Saturday night -- so what? That's not going to affect whether they're able to drive a forklift on Monday.
Furthermore, we're real selective about which drugs we test for, aren't we? If you're running that backhoe while drunk, you're dangerous. But you're legally allowed to go get plastered on vodka and juice as soon as the 5 o'clock whistle blows. So although you can test how drunk someone is right now, you can't bust them for getting smashed on alcohol after work. But with "drug testing" you can fire them for having a joint two weeks ago.
How about we just worry about how well they're doing on that brake press. Hell, I'd rather someone be stoned than falling-down-tired on a brake press. In either case we should look at whether or not they're able to do their jobs, not what the results of some arbitrary test says about what they were doing a fortnight ago.
I once refused to sign a thing saying I'd let J&J perform a drug test on me whenever they wanted. This was for a freakin' freelance job. As an audio editor. Hell, I should be expected to be high while doing that. But it was their dumb corporate policy (hopefully it isn't anymore.)
I would never institute a drug testing policy. I might institute a general competence policy. But never drug testing. Because it's dumb.